Today is mine and Jeremy’s 4-year wedding anniversary!
I’ve been thinking for a while of how to document this day. Should I write a post about how our marriage has grown in the last 4 years? Reminisce about my favorite memory from our wedding day? There are too many choices!
I decided to write about the moment I was 100% sure I wanted to marry Jeremy.
To warn you, this story starts off a little unromantic, but I promise it has a happy ending…which I’m sure you can tell by the wedding photo above lol.
Jeremy and I had been dating for 6 months when he proposed. It wasn’t a huge surprise, we had been talking about it for a few months and picked out the ring together.
But announcing our engagement, setting a wedding date and having a ring on my finger made it all seem very real and kind of scary.
I’m not the kind of person to follow my heart or be spontaneous. I make smart, well thought out decisions that I predict will help me reach the goals I have set for my life.
I will be honest and say that I had doubts. I worried about if we were compatible enough, did we want the same future, could I really promise that I would still be in love with him in 30 years?
I read a few books about marriage, how to know if he is “the one”, what emotions and doubts other brides have gone though, etc.
So many people say that if you aren’t 100% sure you should marry someone, then you shouldn’t. But I think it’s normal to have some fears. Marriage is a HUGE deal, it’s a major life choice. I think being a little worried is normal, it means you are taking it seriously and understand what a life changing experience marriage is.
In the end, it wasn’t any of the books that I read that made me realize I was 100% sure I wanted to marry Jeremy, it was one little thought.
I briefly thought about telling Jeremy that I wasn’t ready and wanted to wait, and then I thought about how he would feel hearing that and the possibility that he might not want to be with me.
That was all it took, just one moment of thinking about life without Jeremy.
To be clear, I didn’t marry him because I was afraid he would leave me, I married him because thinking about not having him in my life made me realize that I don’t want to live my life without him. I realized that he is the man that I want by my side today, tomorrow, and every day after that. That was all the certainty I needed, realizing that I don’t want a future without him.
So when I walked down that aisle on February 14, 2009, and saw Jeremy’s smiling face as my destination, I was 100% sure that I wanted to commit myself to that man for the rest of my life.
I can’t know for certain that I will still love him in 30 years. I can’t know that we will be compatible when we finally become parents and I can’t know if we will always want the same things in the future when we are old and retired.
But what I do know is that he is the partner I want in my life, and I am willing to work though whatever challenge come our way because a life without him isn’t a life that I want.