What A Bitch

photoOn Friday night MCAS Miramar hosted their first spouses flag football tournament. There were eight teams total, made up of the different squadrons and units at Miramar. We practices 2x a week for a month to get ready for the tournament, and we WON!

We played a total of three games. All eight teams played one round and the winners then paired off and played each other. The final two teams left played a championship game to determine the victor.

I love football, and I was having a great time until some of the girls on the opposing teams started getting major attitude.

I don’t understand why/how people can have such bad sportsmanship.

I understand competitiveness. I understand getting frustrated that your losing or the referee made a bad call. But there comes a point where your not being competitive/frustrated anymore…your just being a flat out bitch.

I was switched from defense to offense towards the end of our first game. On my first play on offense I was defending the quarterback and open palms to push back the girl who was rushing me. She tried to get around me by going at an angle rather than straight towards me (good move on her part), so my hands slid over and up as I tried to keep up with her while she pushed around me.

After the play was over we got back on the line and she got up in my face out of nowhere and told me to “keep my hands away from her fucking neck”.

Seriously!? Are you that upset that your team is losing that you need to bitch out a person that you just met all of two second ago?

A few girls were even thrown out of the other games due to attitude and talking back to the referees.

I just don’t get it.

To me, it’s a game. Even if I’m losing, I can still recognize and appreciate the other teams skills. There were plenty of times in the game where the offense would get off a good play that I didn’t defend well against, and my first thought would be “that was a smart play!” or “wow, she is really fast! That’s impressive”.

I don’t get into that kind of angry competitiveness. Even on my own team, the coaches said something about not being so “nice” on the final game; that if you pulled a flag to drop it on the ground instead of waking it back to the person you pulled it off of. Really?! That kind of pettiness pisses me off. Just because I’m on the opposing team doesn’t mean I can’t be nice to them and give them back their flag or help them up if they fall down. It’s a GAME!

I’m baffled by that kind of attitude (probably because it’s not at all my personality), but I’m also very upset about it and I’m really sure why.

Is is that I’m ashamed that attitude like that is part of human nature? In truth, I find that kind of attitude/bad sportsmanship/general bitchiness to be disgusting.

But I work with domestic violence victims all day, and while I don’t support spousal abuse, I don’t find it myself riled up and disgusted every time I hear about an abusive husband.

What is it about women being unnecessary bitches that pisses me off so much?

Am I the only one bothered on this level by that kind of behavior?

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Don’t Cry

I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz around the internet about the latest Teen Mom 2 episode that aired on Tuesday.

I finally caught up a few days late and just finished watching it (one of the drawbacks of having your husband home is that you no longer have free reign over the TV lol)

Speaking of having my husband home, the main “drama” I’ve been hearing about the latest episode is Leah’s constant nagging of her husband when he goes out of town. She complains every time he leaves.

The one part that stuck with me most was at the end of the episode when he is talking about going on a five week job, she said that she can’t pretend to be happy when he leaves.

As a military wife, I’ve said “good-bye” to my husband many times; for as short of a time as a few weeks, to upwards of 7 months.

Now, I’m not saying that she doesn’t have the right to complain because “other people have it worse”.  My reasoning in pointing out my own experience in because I’ve come to learn how important it is to “pretend” to be happy when your spouse has to leave.

He doesn’t want to leave. Whether he is going out of town for a five week job, or going to Afghanistan for a year long deployment, I believe that no husband wants to leave his wife. And her certainly doesn’t want to leave his children. 

Crying about it, complaining about it, telling him how sad you are and how you don’t want him to go; all that does is make him feel even worse for leaving you. Because now he is dealing not only with his own feelings of separation and sadness, but he is responsible for your pain. He is the cause of your tears and the reason that you are sad.

So my advice to Leah, and to all military spouses, is to try to pretend a bit; for him. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be honest about your feelings and let him know that you will miss him. But crying about it and complaining about it isn’t going to make him stay (at least not in the military); and it’s likely only going to make him feel even worse about having to leave. 

So try to be a strong partner for him; because that’s what he needs most. 

ImageSaying good-bye to my husband when he left for his first deployment to Afghanistan; 11/3/10

Life On Track

In the process of packing/moving last month, I stumbled across a project that I had completed in 1999 – when I was 10 years old.

It was a book about my life, and it included a “future” section where I wrote about what I wanted my future to be. It is eerily accurate!

Future Career: I wrote that I wanted to be a pediatrician, because I felt that children were the future of the generation and they need to be happy and healthy.

Actual Career: I hate the sciences, so medicine was not the career for me. However, I am still in the “helping profession”. When it comes down to the concept of wanting to better the lives of others, social work is certainly in the same category. And it involved a heck of a lot less science classes!

Future Marriage: I wrote that I wanted to get married at 20. Clearly I had not sense of age/societal standards. However, I think my choice in marriage age was due to the fact that I wanted kids around 28/30 and I didn’t want to go straight from marriage to kids.

Actual Marriage: What do you know, I did get married at 20! And I fully plan on enjoying 10 years with Jeremy until we add kids to the mix.

Future Children: I wanted two girls, born when I was 28 and 30.

Actual Children: I’m 25 now, and don’t have any plans to have babies before 30. So I suppose I’m pretty on track with that one. I do want my kids to be about 2 years apart, however, I now want two boys.

Future House: I wrote that I wanted a cottage in the country. My Mom’s house was on 10 acres and I loved it; it was so nice to grow up being able to play in the in the trees and have so much space to roam.

Actual House: Jeremy and I live in an apartment right now, but that’s due to the military and being stationed in San Diego. Once we move to Wisconsin, we plan on building a house (not a cottage) on a big piece of land…much more than 10 acres. I love living out in the boonies!

Many things in my life have gone exactly as I planned; college, career and (except for my young marriage) my personal life.

Luck certainly played a role, mostly when it came to meeting Jeremy. But for the most part, I’ve worked are to keep on track with how I want my life to be, and I’m so incredibly happy to have the life that I do now.

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“If he didn’t need me, why would he want me?”

At work a few weeks ago we had Al-Anon come and present about what they do because my agency will soon be hosting a monthly meeting (Al-Anon is the family support group side of Alcoholics Anonymous). The presentation was basically an Al-Anon meeting, it was meant to give us all a realistic experience of what meetings are like so we can accurately refer our clients.

Part of the meeting involves someone sharing their story. The women who spoke shared her experience of being married to an abusive alcoholic. She was a powerful speaker, and the part that I remember most was when she spoke about how she loved him so much she would do anything to keep him….so they got married. Then, when that didn’t improve the relationship, they had a baby. She did all of these things to make the relationship better, to solidify it, to make sure that he needed her; because if he didn’t need her, why would he want to be with her? 

That particular quote struck me as such a powerful statement. What is the difference between want and need? Can you want something and not need it? What does that feel like in a relationship? Are you wanted or needed? Or are you both?

I struggle with this sometimes.

Being needed feels more secure. Nobody is going to leave me if they need me in their life.

But being wanted feels so much more powerful. To have someone who wants you in spite of the fact that they don’t need you. To be wanted for more than just what you can provide. To be wanted for who you are, not just what you can do for someone.

I want to be wanted.

Humility

I’ve recently had some interesting developments at my work; one of my peers was promoted to my supervisor.

I found myself really struggling with the whole thing, dealing with my own feelings of jealousy and entitlement.

At first, I was hesitant to tell Jeremy about it, because I knew that he isn’t the type of person to automatically take my side and tell me that what I am feeling is valid. He disagrees with me often, and as a result, he challenges me to grow and reflects back to me the things about myself that I want to change. Things that I probably would have never seen if he had just immediately agreed with my side.

In this particular instance, the one point that stuck with me the most, was that he told me that I’m not a humble person.

I was shocked at first, and a little upset. I consider myself a kind person and to me, not being humble doesn’t sound very kind.

But after giving it some though, I realized that he is right. I’m not humble. I often talk about my accomplishment, and I am proud of them and proud of the work I have put into my life to reach the goals that I have.

I often think that I am better than others, especially when it comes to education and careers.

I don’t think that I am over the top in anyway, and I doubt I come across obscenely cocky or full of myself. But I certainly don’t come across as humble.

I think that humility can be a wonderful trait; it’s something that I would like to try to develop in myself.

In may ways, I feel that people should love themselves the way that they are and not put so much effort in changing to fit society or a spouses ideals.

But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for personal growth. For taking a look at yourself, critically, and working to become the best version of yourself.

So here I am, working on being more humble. On accepting my current position and putting all my energy into being the best worker that I can for where I am right now in my career.