Divorce (on the mind)

The topic of divorce has been on my mind a lot lately. Not because of anything going on in my marriage (thankfully!), but because it seems to be surrounding me. It feels like every time I log onto social media I’m bombarded with failing relationships.

As a (once) young military couple, Jeremy and I have gotten to know many other young military couples. I’ve also volunteered on base and become involved with numerous online support sites for military spouses where you can get an “intimate” look into the lives of 2,000+ young women.

So many of those girls that I have gotten to know over mine and Jeremy’s 7 year relationship, are now divorced.

Not to sounds like a pessimist, but I’m not altogether that surprised by most of the relationships that have failed. Young marriages filled with partying, immature couples, domestic violence, military enforced distance, lack of income after EAS, or the stress of an “oops” baby at 19 years old.

The reason this topic has stuck with me lately, is that a couple that was very similar to me and Jeremy recently got divorced. She had her bachelors and masters degree, he was military, they seemed very happy and in love and had been married for 5 years without children (focusing on school/career and being prepared to transition out of the military).

Then suddenly: Divorce

The fact that their relationship seemed to so closely echo my own has caused me some anxiety. I feel the need to “fix” my marriage; to somehow protect it from a potential divorce.

…..let’s just say that my approach did not go over so well with my husband, who is much more of an “if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it” kind of person.

Which brings up the question: is there a point where you can only do so much to build up a marriage? Or is it limitless?

I’m trying my husband’s approach now, instead of my anxiety provoked “LOVE ME! WE NEED A PERFECT MARRIAGE!” strategy. But I can’t help but continue to feel that every day that isn’t overflowing with love and romance is a step towards the dreaded “D” word. No marriage ends up in divorce without there being signs first. But how do you know what the signs are? Compared to what is just normal ups and downs of any marriage?

Comments Welcome!

9 thoughts on “Divorce (on the mind)

  1. From my point of view, the fact that your husband is actively involved in the emotional aspect of your marriage by trying a different approach, I think you’re good!

    Now if you feel him distancing himself emotionally or not talking to you any more then I would worry. From the sound of it though you are good!

  2. Ooh this Is heavy! But a relationship isn’t going to be all romance and unicorns every day. Marriage was a choice you both made, it’s so easy to throw it away when it’s not perfect but you both have to work at it. Treat your man kindly and choose to love him every day even when it’s hard.. I’m no relationship expert btw! All the best!

    • Very true! Marriage is no romance all of the time, in fact, most of the time it isn’t! Lol. I normally have very realistic expectations for romance, but I think I’m feeling insecure with all of the divorces going on around me. I need to get back to the place where I’m confident in my marriage.

  3. I think the real issue is that now days, not everyone signs on for “forever- no matter what!”
    …a lot of my personal friends, who I’ve seen divorce seemed to have in actuality signed up for:
    “forever if you can match my ambition”
    “forever- if you/I never cheat”
    “Forever- if you promise to stay romantic”
    …. not every relationship is built equal.

    • This is very true! And I know that my husband is one of those super traditional guys that would never ask for a divorce. Guess I need to stop comparing my relationship to everyone els. Your right, not every relationship is equal/the same!

  4. I believe it’s all a choice. My mom used to tell me when I was a kid that she had to love my dad most of all, more than her kids, and more than her parents/siblings because her other relationships were built on blood and her marriage was built on choosing to put him first day in and day out. As long as you’re both choosing to love one another the most of all other relationships each other each and every day, I bet your marriage is great and there’s no reason to fear the rough stuff!

  5. When you choose to stay married even when it is hard. It is deciding that you stay committed even when you want to commit murder instead. It isn’t always being in love, but loving no matter what.

  6. If you find the time to spend together and he is emotionally involved in the relationship, no need to fix because there’s nothing to fix. You’re probably overthinking. Stay in love and married no matter what 😉

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