“It’s MY wedding day, I’ll do what I want”

Are weddings for the bride and groom…or for the family?

It seems like every time I see somebody on Facebook posting about wedding planning drama, it normally included either the original poster, or another person on the tread, stating “the wedding is about the bride and groom, do what YOU want and forget everyone else’s opinions”.

Whenever I see this, I can’t help but think about how selfish that sounds.

Considering how many people say it, I have a feeling that I am in the minority…but I’ll share my thoughts on it anyway.

First off, I am very much a “people pleaser” so the idea of me asking everyone to eat raw vegan food at my wedding because that is what I like, actually causes me some anxiety. The bride and the groom are just two people, therefore my natural inclination is to cater to the majority and try to make the most people happy….even if it is “my day”. (I would of course advocate staying within your comfort zone. If you and your future spouse completely abstain from alcohol, then have a dry wedding).

Expanding on the whole idea that the bride and groom are just two people in the world of weddings, lets talk about the family.

Yes, this is “your day”. The day you become man and wife.

But it’s also the day that two families are coming together. The day that your parents have been looking forward too for long before you were planning your pretend wedding at 12 years old.

Along with being a people pleaser, I am also very family oriented. I am close with my parents and my siblings, their opinions are important to me. I had all of my siblings and my husband’s siblings in our bridal party (there were so many that we only had one person who wasn’t family) and my step-father officiated the ceremony.

For me, the day would not be as special without their attendance, and more importantly, their excitement/happiness.

What do you think? Should you do what you want on your wedding day and forget everyone else’s opinions? Or should you take into considerations the views of your family and friends?

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An Untried Marriage

I wrote this post back in August, and it has been sitting in my “rough drafts” since then.

I came back to it today, because this topic has been on my mind the last week…and not for a good reason. Jeremy and I have finally hit our “rough patch”, and we are still working through it.

Although it’s not a happy time in our marriage, and I am struggling, our marriage is worth fighting for. It’s not always going to be rainbows, that isn’t a realistic expectation for a lifetime commitment involving two completely different people. But working through the hard times is what defines a marriage; working through the time when you don’t feel “in love”, because you know that your love is worth the fight.

(Original Post)

Last weekend I went to dinner with some friends that I haven’t seen in a while. One of them shared that in the last year she had divorced her husband. She had never advertised that they were having any difficulties in their marriage, so I was surprised to find out that he had cheated on her many times over their 10 year marriage and had a girlfriend on the side for many years. She had been aware of his cheating, but had made the decision to stay; first hoping that he would change, and finally, to keep her family together for the children.

I’ve had other friends who have gone through infidelity or other “rough patches” in their marriages. For those who work through them and come out on the other side, I always sense a greater depth to their relationships. Not always in a positive sense that their marriages are “stronger”, but just an added layer of complexity and experience.

In the 5 1/2 years that Jeremy and I have been married, I sometimes still feel like such “newlyweds”. I still feel like our marriage is just starting to blossom; it’s still so “untried”.

I’m not saying that I want to go through some tragic experience; nobody wants infidelity or any other “rough patch”. But I do wonder what it will take for Jeremy and I to move out of the newlywed stage.

Two deployments and 5 1/2 years of marriage hasn’t done it. Will it take having children? Will it take buying a house?

Do I even want that added complexity of a “tested” marriage? Is there anything wrong with having a happy carefree marriage? Or am I being naive in thinking that nothing will come along that will test us to that level?