Being Each Others First Time

I saw a discussion on a Military Wives Facebook page asking how you would feel if your daughter lost her virginity at the same age you did.

What I found interesting about the answers, it the a lot of the women said that they had wish they waited until their husband; that they were disappointed and regretted being with other men. The ones who had waited were being congratulated for holding out until they were married or dating their now husband.

Personally, I’ve never really had a lot of feelings around the subject. I didn’t care or expect Jeremy to be a virgin when we met at 19, and it never crossed my mind that he would want me to be a virgin or be disappointed that I wasn’t.

I’ve never felt that it has taken away from our relationship. I am not jealous or bothered by the knowledge that he has been with other women, and from what I can tell, he isn’t bother either.

I guess I am just posting this because it was kind of a revolutionary idea to me, that people would regret or have negative feelings about not waiting till they found their “soul mate”. What if you end up divorced? Do people regret having a sexual relationship with their first husband if they go on to meet their next partner? And for the ones who are glad they waited till they were dating their now spouse, what if they had broken up? Would they then regret that experience?

What do you all think? Do you regret losing your virginity when you did? Are you disappointed that you didn’t wait?

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Weekly Photo Challenge: Companionable

I would like to introduce Sir Lancelot, my furry companion when Jeremy is away.

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He is around 3 years old now, and I got him when he was a kitten.

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3 weeks old

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2 years old

Funny story about his name. When my BFF and I were in middle school we had this whole plan to go to college together and share an apartment (aka Camelot) and fill it with our cats (Sir Lancelot, King Arthur, etc.)

So when I finally got my own pet in college, I named him Sir Lancelot, even though we didn’t end up being roomies.

She got a cat too, and called him Sushi….way to ruin the dream, right?! 

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Sir Lancelot (aka Lance) and I have a love/hate relationship. 

I love cats. I am basically a crazy cat lady. I think they are the most adorable animals ever. Therefore I love Lance, because he is a fluffy cat.

However, Lance is kind of a Diva Asshole, and therefore there are many times during the day when I hate him. I hate Lance when he is meowing in my face at 6am wanting me to feed him. I hate him when he is laying on my arms when I am trying to use my computer. I hate him when he swats at me when I walk by. I hate him when he opens all the cupboards and bangs them at 3am. I hate when I have to pay extra pet rent and figure out how to transport a cat across county and pay for all those expenses.

It’s a good thing I really love cats, otherwise the hate list would outweigh the love lol. Which is how my husband feel, he just hates cats.

Although I am not looking forward to moving Lance from CA to WI when we PCS, I firmly believe in being a “forever” owner. Not a “until we PCS” or “until we have kids”. I recused Lance from the shelter and I intend on loving/hating him for the rest of his life.

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Anniversary Celebration Recap

The last entry in the Newley Wed Link-Up: 1-year Anniversary Recap

Alison & Jeremy

1-Year Anniversary

February 14, 2010

Jeremy and I had big plans for our 1-year anniversary. He came back just week or so before our anniversary, after being in Florida for 5 months. He had made a reservation for us to go on a weekend retreat through the military discount store (ITT), with horseback riding and a cabin of our own.

Unfortunately, when he came home and went to confirm our reservation, he was informed that they lost our information, and the retreat was sold out 😦

So we had to improvise. And let me just say, for anyone that is setting a wedding date, do not get married on Valentines Day! It sounds romantic, and you will never forget your anniversary, but everything is 100x busier and 100x more expensive.

So there we were, a week before our anniversary/Valentines Day and no reservations anywhere. He tried to get us on a harbor cruise, he tried wine tasting, so many places and they were all booked for Valentines Day.

In the end, we decided to just have a picnic. We picked up some food and drove up to Mt. Soledad, which has an amazing view of San Diego. It was crowded with other couples, but it was simple and relaxing.

We ended up making it a tradition, we’ve gone to Mt. Soledad every year since then for our anniversary (the ones he is home for, at least).

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View from Mt. Soledad

 

Marriage

Marriage is such an wondrous experience.

To know that you get to spend the rest of your life with your soul mate.

To know that you have both made the ultimate commitment to each other. That both publicly, privately, and spiritually, you have declared this one person as your partner for life.

To know that one person will love you and stand by you, just as you will always love them and stand by them.

To know that you are love completely and passionately, just as you are.

I love being married.

When people say that marriage is just a piece of paper, I wonder if they are not married, or if their marriage perhaps isn’t like mine. Because being married to Jeremy is so beyond “just a piece of paper”, that it is almost indescribable.

It’s a feeling of completeness. A feeling of unity. A feeling of overwhelming love.

I wish everyone can experience marriage the way I do, because it’s truly spectacular.

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Benefits for Same Sex Couples

Another debateable topic of interest in the military community: same-sex couples to start recieving benefits

According to this article, same-sex couples will begin recieving military benefits, with the exception of housing allowance and health care.

I love the general idea, I’ve always been a supporter of LBGT rights, but I do have a couple concerns.

First off, how are they going to determine if a couple is in fact a “real” domestic partnership? Similar to the “contract marriage” vs. a “real marriage” with heteosexual couples.

The article states that the couple would need to sign a “declaration of domestic partnership” that attests: “We are each other’s sole domestic partner, in a committed relationship, and intend to remain so indefinitely.”

To me, that doesn’t seem like a clear enough definition. What’s to stop any two same-sex individuals from signing one in order to take advantage of the benefits? Although one could say the same about heterosexual couples, seeing as how there are pleny of people who do infact get married just for the benefits (aka Contract Marriage).

If they are going to regulate these “declaration of domestic partnership”, then I think they need to regulate “contract marriages” as well, to be sure that no one, gay OR stright, is faking the relationship simply for the benefits.  

Second off, non-married heterosexual couples get NO benefits at all. So to give non-married homosexual couples SOME benefits seems unfair to me. However, because homosexual couples cannot get married, I see this as a compromise. A way to give them partial benefits until gay marriage becomes leagalized.

Ideally, I think it should all be equal. You get married (to a same-sex or opposite-sex partner) and you get ALL the military benefits.

What do you think? Like the idea of benefits for same-sex couples? Disagree?

TBT: First Official Date

I seemed to have skipped last weeks “Throwback Thursday”, guess that’s what happens when you are working full time and have your husband home!

To get back on track, this week I wanted to share about our first official date, since last edition I left off with our first “unofficial” date.

After Jeremy helped me move in to my apartment and met my Mom and Grandma, we finally went out on our first “real” date lol.

He took me to Chilies…classy man haha

I distinctly remember this date because of our unique conversation.

I’ve mentioned before that my husband is a county boy. Apparently, in the county boy world, it impresses a girl to tell her about your skills on a farm.

So after I ordered my cheeseburger, he told me a lovely story about how sometimes on the farm, cow’s stomachs get twisted and you have to cut them open, stick your hands inside, and untwist the stomach.

And then my burger arrived, at the conclusion of that appetizing story lol

I am smiling now, as I recant this story, because of amazing that first date was, nasty cow story and all.

It was amazing because Jeremy never tried to be anyone but himself. He didn’t try to impress me by being what he thought I wanted, he was just upfront and honest. I can safely say that no man has ever told me about cow stomachs on a first date lol.

That’s how our relationship has been from the beginning, and what I love so much about our marriage. I don’t have to be anyone but who I am, and he loves me, all of me. And I love him, just the way he is.

Everyone deserves to be loved for exactly who they are. 

Atheist Chaplains?

I stumbled across this recently, an article about possibly adding Atheist “Chaplains” to the military. 

Although I do think that an “Atheist Chaplin” is a little bit of an oxymoron, I think it’s a wonderful idea! Perhaps not to call them an “Atheist Chaplin”, since the whole idea of the Chaplin position is religiously focused, but to have a non-religous position to provide services to atheist service members, similar as those that the Chaplin provides. 

As an atheist myself I found the authors take on the issue to be very accurate. 

As of right now, if that young soldier dying in the field hospital, or that family receiving word of their loved one’s combat death, is atheist, there is no chaplain to represent them. Take myself for example; I am atheist, so is my husband. He is a soldier in the Army who has served three tours in Iraq. If something had happened to him over there, and I’m hurting, the last thing I want is some chaplain who would come and try to comfort me by telling me that he’s gone off to a better place that I don’t believe in. I don’t want to hear that God has taken him in his glory. I don’t believe that. So who will be there for those like me? No one.

And if my husband should be in the position of the dying soldier, the last thing he would want to hear a chaplain doing his best to comfort him with ideas that he doesn’t believe in. He would rather not have a chaplain with him at all. But as a service member, dying for his country, wouldn’t he deserve to have a kind heart there to help him deal with tough emotions without the shadow of religion standing between them?

What do you all think? I would be interested to hear a religious perspective on this issue

“It Doesn’t Get Easier, You Just Get Stronger”

Continuing the Link-up: What we’ve learned from the unexpected (in your first year of marriage)

I’ve talked about this before, but I feel that the biggest thing I learned in our first year of marriage is how to be alone.

our first "in uniform" photo; Pensacola FL

our first “in uniform” photo; Pensacola FL

I knew Jeremy was in the military when we got married, so it wasn’t unexpected that he would have to leave for an extended period of time. But I don’t think any military wife fully expects the first separation, and I certianly didn’t expect to react that way that I did.

I had an unexpectedly hard time when Jeremy went to Florida for 5 months after we had been married for less than 6 months.

Looking back, it’s hard to imagine that I felt the way that I did. We have since survided 2 deployments and numerous trainings and other schoolings since that first separation. I am now a “seasoned” military wife, the idea of him leaving is sad, but I am no longer defeated by the thought of being alone for months on end. I do not feel unprepared or overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness at the thought of him having to go away.

My husband is (most likely) career military, so I guess there comes a point where you do get used to it. Used to being alone. Used to missing your spouse.

I remember seeing a quote once: “It doesn’t get easier, you just get strong”

Looking back at that first separation, I know that I am a stronger person now. Life has tested me, and I have grown and changed in response to those challenges (both expected and unexpected).

Changes: New Job & New Hair

After spending 2 weeks at a miserable temp job, my connections finally paid off and I was offered a full time job in my field!

Since we are PCSing in December I didn’t think anybody would want to hire me, so I was settling with being an overqualified Secretary and trying to just appreciate the fact that at least I had a job and a paycheck.

But last Thursday my old supervisor emailed me and said that she had a temporary position (3 months) open up for a Case Manager position and she wanted me to fill it! I didn’t even have to interview and I got a raise!

I am now a full-time Case Manager working with domestic violence victims! It’s so amazing to be working in my field again and using my degree.

These last 2 weeks that I’ve been working at the City Hall, I realized how important it is to enjoy your career. I am even more grateful that I have the opportunity to work in a field that I love. I hope that I can find a job when we move, I am eager to start my career and settle into a job.

In other news relating to change: I completely changed my hair!

I’ve been told this is the “Michelle Obama” look and is very happing, good to know I’m on trend! lol

BEFORE

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AFTER

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Hardest Moments From the First Year

Part II of the Newly Wed Link-Up: Hardest Moments From the First Year

This one is easy for me to answer.

Like many military couples, our first year of marriage involved being separated.

It wasn’t a deployment, but Jeremy went to Florida for 5 months to complete schooling. I was able to visit him for 2 weeks in the middle of it when I was on winter break from school, but the the time apart was very hard for me.

Throughout our courtship and engagement we were lucky that Jeremy was not sent away; no deployments, no trainings, no schooling. Additionally, since he was stationed just an hour away form where I lived, we saw each other every weekend, if not more frequently.

We moved in together when we got married, and less than 6 months later he was sent to Florida.

It was very hard for me; I was unprepared for what to expect, didn’t know how to handle the loneliness and I got depressed.

I had drifted from most of my friends when Jeremy and I got married, the normal newlywed bliss where you want to spend every moment together. But as a military wife, what that meant when my husband left was that my friend’s lives had gone on, and I wasn’t a daily part of them anymore.

So I had a lot of time on my hands and a huge void in my life without Jeremy. I got lonely, which lead to depression.

After about a month I realized that I didn’t want to be sad anymore. I am a military wife, I knew I needed to be okay on my own when Jeremy leaves (as he was bound to do many times).

So I called Military One Source and signed up for free counseling.

I saw a therapist for 6 weeks, and she helped me so much with learning how to cope with the separation.

I started volunteering, keeping busy, making new friends, and thinking positive thoughts.

To this day I still rely on her advice; after 2 deployments and numerous trainings and schools, I can handle separations like a pro!

For your entertainment, here is a very cheesy video I made for our one year anniversary back in 2010 lol

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On the beach in Pensacola, FL – December 2010