An Untried Marriage

I wrote this post back in August, and it has been sitting in my “rough drafts” since then.

I came back to it today, because this topic has been on my mind the last week…and not for a good reason. Jeremy and I have finally hit our “rough patch”, and we are still working through it.

Although it’s not a happy time in our marriage, and I am struggling, our marriage is worth fighting for. It’s not always going to be rainbows, that isn’t a realistic expectation for a lifetime commitment involving two completely different people. But working through the hard times is what defines a marriage; working through the time when you don’t feel “in love”, because you know that your love is worth the fight.

(Original Post)

Last weekend I went to dinner with some friends that I haven’t seen in a while. One of them shared that in the last year she had divorced her husband. She had never advertised that they were having any difficulties in their marriage, so I was surprised to find out that he had cheated on her many times over their 10 year marriage and had a girlfriend on the side for many years. She had been aware of his cheating, but had made the decision to stay; first hoping that he would change, and finally, to keep her family together for the children.

I’ve had other friends who have gone through infidelity or other “rough patches” in their marriages. For those who work through them and come out on the other side, I always sense a greater depth to their relationships. Not always in a positive sense that their marriages are “stronger”, but just an added layer of complexity and experience.

In the 5 1/2 years that Jeremy and I have been married, I sometimes still feel like such “newlyweds”. I still feel like our marriage is just starting to blossom; it’s still so “untried”.

I’m not saying that I want to go through some tragic experience; nobody wants infidelity or any other “rough patch”. But I do wonder what it will take for Jeremy and I to move out of the newlywed stage.

Two deployments and 5 1/2 years of marriage hasn’t done it. Will it take having children? Will it take buying a house?

Do I even want that added complexity of a “tested” marriage? Is there anything wrong with having a happy carefree marriage? Or am I being naive in thinking that nothing will come along that will test us to that level?

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