“It’s MY wedding day, I’ll do what I want”

Are weddings for the bride and groom…or for the family?

It seems like every time I see somebody on Facebook posting about wedding planning drama, it normally included either the original poster, or another person on the tread, stating “the wedding is about the bride and groom, do what YOU want and forget everyone else’s opinions”.

Whenever I see this, I can’t help but think about how selfish that sounds.

Considering how many people say it, I have a feeling that I am in the minority…but I’ll share my thoughts on it anyway.

First off, I am very much a “people pleaser” so the idea of me asking everyone to eat raw vegan food at my wedding because that is what I like, actually causes me some anxiety. The bride and the groom are just two people, therefore my natural inclination is to cater to the majority and try to make the most people happy….even if it is “my day”. (I would of course advocate staying within your comfort zone. If you and your future spouse completely abstain from alcohol, then have a dry wedding).

Expanding on the whole idea that the bride and groom are just two people in the world of weddings, lets talk about the family.

Yes, this is “your day”. The day you become man and wife.

But it’s also the day that two families are coming together. The day that your parents have been looking forward too for long before you were planning your pretend wedding at 12 years old.

Along with being a people pleaser, I am also very family oriented. I am close with my parents and my siblings, their opinions are important to me. I had all of my siblings and my husband’s siblings in our bridal party (there were so many that we only had one person who wasn’t family) and my step-father officiated the ceremony.

For me, the day would not be as special without their attendance, and more importantly, their excitement/happiness.

What do you think? Should you do what you want on your wedding day and forget everyone else’s opinions? Or should you take into considerations the views of your family and friends?

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5 thoughts on ““It’s MY wedding day, I’ll do what I want”

  1. I definitely believe that the most important voices are those belonging to the couple getting married. Family may have their dreams for their child – but the child doesn’t actually owe them the fulfillment of that dream. Anymore than a child should go to medical school because their parents always dreamed of them becoming a doctor. Children get to live their own lives and make their own choices – including about how their wedding will be.

    If my parents had their way, we would have not eloped, waited to get married until we could both come down to Texas and gotten married in my hometown with my pastor uncle officiating for us. If my in-laws had their way, we would have gone with a Catholic blessing ceremony, complete with my conversion, in order to make our wedding officially church improved.

    Instead, we had an outdoor ceremony in Michigan, with a friend officiating, and no religious references besides having each father say a prayer. Because we were being true to us. Now, luckily for us our families were both on board with us making the decisions that made us happy.

    I guess my opinion is that a wedding is more than joining two families. It’s creating a third family and learning to protect and cherish that family above everyone else. Even the two families of origin. Because in the end, it’s only two people getting married and becoming one.

    • Thanks for your comment! I suppose my opinion is slightly biased because my family is very agreeable and easy going…no dramatics when I didn’t do things exactly their way.

  2. I always think of it like this – the person paying for the wedding has the most control. We had a wedding that was a separate event from the reception; we paid for the wedding and my parents paid for about 80% of the reception. We picked everything for the wedding. My parents were very involved with the reception. Though the reception was mostly based on what my husband and I wanted, my parents put their own stamp on it, too, and I think that was very fair.

  3. I always wonder why so much emphasis is put on one day when a marriage is the purpose of a wedding. The wedding day is to celebrate the beginning of something bigger than just two people; it is the beginning of a new life where one person isn’t the main focus but the couple. A couple can plan a wedding and forget how to have a marriage. The wedding drama is just a distraction from where focus should be and that is on a life time together.

    When I got married at 19 I wanted to elope because I didn’t want to deal with other peoples expectation on me. My husband wanted a wedding. So we had a wedding because it was important to him. I LOVED my wedding (that he didn’t help me plan despite his desire for said wedding). But we were fully aware that the wedding was a means to an end, the necessary work to start our life as husband and wife, as one person.

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