Missing Him

It’s been 3 days since I’ve seen my husband. He went out to the desert with some friends to have a guys weekend and go mudding, shoot stuff and camp.

This is the first time since he came home from deployment a little over 4 months ago that we have been apart overnight.

For the last two nights I have slept in my bed alone, for the first time in 100 days.

I miss him.

Missing him reminded me of my previous post about how military wives tend to get on their high horse and say that civilians aren’t allowed to miss their partners when they are gone for a short amount of time because “at least he isn’t deployed“.

I don’t agree with that mindset, and here I am, a military spouse, missing my husband when he is gone for the weekend lol.

I don’t miss him like I did when he was deployed. That was a deeper ache. This is more like poking at an old bruise, it hurts, and it reminds you of the pain you felt when you got it the first time.

But knowing he is coming home today help with the pain of missing him. It’s a short tunnel and I’ve been able to see the light since I first entered it on Friday.

And maybe that’s the strength that I get from being a military spouse, knowing when it can be worse, and appreciating what I have. It doesn’t make me miss him less, but it does change how I handle it and how I interpret the pain.

“at least he isn’t deployed”

I wanted to write a post about something I’ve noticed among the Military Significant Other (Milso) community which, from my observations via FB and Instagram, mostly comes from younger military s/o who think their relationship is “better” because they are with somebody in the military. (see my previous post for my opinion on that issue)

The issue of “deserving” to miss your partner.

It tends to have many forms. My favorite example is the girl who sees a FB post of her friend complaining about missing her boyfriend while he is away for the weekend and proceeds to comment “at least he isn’t deployed like mine”.

First of all, thats just openly rude. Second of all, it’s like being mad at somebody for eating a cupcake because you’re on a diet. 

There is no comparison, and the whole “who has it worse” game has no winner. The Army wife can tell all the Marine wives that they don’t deserve to complain because they have 12 month deployments compared to 7 months. Then the Marine wives can all gang up on the Navy wives and their 6 month deployments. And the poor Air Force wives always loose with their 4 month deployments. (FYI – I’m generalizing the lengths of deployments, I know it varies depending on jobs within each branch). And let’s not forget the widows who will always “win”, they will never get to see their spouses again, so how dare everyone else complain about a deployment.

So let’s all stop that argument and agree that being away from the person you love sucks and you will miss them no matter how long of a time they are gone.

So why can’t civilian women miss their men when they are gone?

Just because it’s not 6 + months doesn’t mean they don’t miss them. I think it’s pretty normal, and healthy, to miss your partner when they are gone. I would be more concerned about their relationship if they didn’t miss them.

And finally, for a civilian, a weekend is a long time. For a military s/o, a weekend may seem like nothing, because we are used to more and we expect more. But civilian couples are not used to more, and there is nothing wrong with that.

So, in conclusion: Everyone “deserves” to miss their partner, no matter how long they are gone.