Jeremy and I had been dating for about 4-5 months when we started talking seriously about marriage.
I remember once sitting outside talking to my mom on the phone and telling her that things were going good with Jeremy (my mom is awesome, I call her for everything). I said “Mom, he says he wants to marry me“. My mom played it cool (having your 19 year old daughter spill that news after a few months of dating is enough to freak out any Mom) and said she that he must really love me.
And he did.
Jeremy would start dropping little hints of “when we are married….” or “after we are married…” in daily conversation.
It freaked me out at first. Jeremy was my 2nd real relationship, and we had jumped from dating to “this relationship is heading towards marriage” in just a few months! (Later on Jeremy told me that he started doing that to ease me into the idea, so that when he actually proposed I would say yes lol).
I had always thought I would be done with college and graduate school and have a career before I got married. I figured I would be in my late 20’s, have my own apartments and my own life. But there I was, 19, a sophomore in college, living in the living room of an apartment with 3 other roommates and thinking seriously about getting married to this guy.
Jeremy says that he didn’t think the idea of contemplating marriage at 19 when you’ve been dating for less than 6 months was a crazy idea. His words were something along the lines of, “how I was raised, when you met the person you don’t want to live without, you get married”. Adorable, right?! He is a very old-fashioned kind of guy, with old-fashioned values.
But I had my doubts about our relationship. Not about how it was then, I loved him and I was the happiest I had ever been. What I doubted was our long-term longevity. He was a small-town Marine from Wisconsin who eventually wanted to settle down in Wisconsin and own a farm. I was a college girl who had lived her whole life in liberal California, I wanted a career and couldn’t picture myself anywhere by California. I questioned if we had the same morals, the same goals, the same plans. Do we want kids? How do we want to raise them? Where do we want to live? So many questions.
We had many conversations about our future and our compatibility. Mostly started by me, Jeremy was ready to jump in and leave it all to chance lol. Even at 19 I knew that there is so much more that goes into a successful marriage than just love. Of course, compatibility does not guarantee that a marriage will last, but neither does love. I figured that if we could hash out the compatibility aspect, then the love would get us the rest of the way.