Roots of Love

Like most normal American women, I grew up watching romantic comedies and reading sappy Nicholas Sparks novels; all of which shaped how I view love.

I so easily accept the physical representations of love; seeing my co-workers boyfriend hand delivered her flowers on Valentines Day from her boyfriend and thinking to myself that “he must really love her”.

There is nothing wrong with those superficial expressions of love. In fact, most healthy relationships are based on some expression of each partners “love language”: gifts, words of affection, touch, etc.

But I’ve come to realize that there is a deeper, more hidden, level of love.

One that is even more powerful and strong than the gifts and “I love you” that make it to the surface.

The roots and foundation of a true love.

That is what I see in my husband.

He has very few “sprouts” that make it to the surface; but his network of roots is so vast and deep that it will never be broken.

He is reserved and contained in his love. Not very affectionate or easy with words of affection.

His love is a part of his core; part of who he is on a fundamental level.

He isn’t always an easy person to love, missing the surface expressions of love that society has conditioned us to accept and expect. But to be loved by him is to know true commitment.

I am so very blessed

It’s okay to vacation without your spouse?

I’ve previously mentioned my planned solo trip to NY in September, and my feelings about traveling without my husband.

I also recently started talking with my good friend about making a trip together out of the county, either Europe or Greece.

The same day that we were researching vacation deals, a girl I know posted on FB about being upset that her husband wanted to go on a vacation to Mexico that his buddies invited him on (a dudes only trip). She asked for others opinions; if she has the right to be upset or not.

I was VERY surprised by the comments:

Honestly, he shouldn’t want to go anywhere and have fun without you there.

when you’re single is when you do solo vaca!! married it’s time to do it together

were married I would not want to go experience a beautiful place without him there to share it with. I’d hope he’d feel the same. We got married to share our lives together, it wouldn’t feel right otherwise.

It honestly never occurred to me to NOT go on vacation with my girlfriends and to enjoy that vacation.

Just because I’m married doesn’t mean that everything in my life has to include my husband. That I can’t enjoy anything without him by my side.

Aside from the fact that I think it’s kind of unhealthy to do absolutely everything with your spouse, my husband and I have different interests.

He has 0 interest in going to Europe or Greece. Neither is his idea of a fun vacation.

So my options are to a) deny myself a vacation/experience that I want b) make him go with me and have him be miserable and therefore suck all the of the fun out of the trip or c) go on the vacation/do the activity with someone else

I pick C, every time.

Sometimes I feel like people become so enmeshed in their relationships that they forget that they are their own person too.

I once had a girl tell me that she denied herself drinking Dr. Pepper (which she loves) while her husband was deployed because she didn’t want to enjoy it without him, since it was something he liked too.

That just sounds depressing to me.

I would never want my husband to purposely make himself unhappy; to deny himself something that he enjoys.

Why would I think he would want that for me?

I am my own person. He is his own person. Somethings we enjoy doing together, and I love to have him by my side. Sometimes we do things separately, either because one of us doesn’t want to do the activity, or because one of us has to miss it for other reasons (work, deployment, etc.) In either case, we are happy that the other person is getting to enjoy that experience, regardless of if we are there or not.

It makes me happy when Jeremy is happy, whether I am with him during that happiness or not.

What do you think? Would you take a vacation without your spouse? Would you be upset if he wanted to go on a trip without you?

I’m an Introvert – and I’m okay with it

Tonight I am sitting at home and loving every moment of it.

I was invited to a last minute birthday get together for Jeremy’s CO’s wife, but I decided to decline.

I would have enjoyed myself, it was at my favorite line-dancing bar, and I had no other conflicting plans…but I still decided to pass on the invite.

I have come to accept that I am an introvert.

I used to feel like there was something wrong with me; because going out and “having fun” was exhausting to me when it was such a desirable activity for everyone else.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have fun when I am out with people.

But it takes energy for me. I feel drained afterwards and I need time alone to “recharge”.

The opposite is true for extraverts, they gain energy by being around people.

This week I have had a lot of draining; a lot of events to attend. Spouse dinner, kickball practice, movies with friends, kickball tournament.  Going from work, to an event, and then home to bed is exhausting to me. I have no time to recharge from all the socialization.

So tonight, I said “no” when I was invited out. And I don’t feel bad about it at all.

In the last 25 years I have learned my limits. I’ve learned to accept my personality type. I’ve learned to accept myself.

Coincidently, I stumbled across this post on FB today; 25 Things Every Woman Should Have By The Time She Turns 25

It resonated with my new-found acceptance of myself and my introvert-ness

Good-night! I’m off to read a book and enjoy my solitude