DINK

A fellow social worker and military spouse that I follow posted on Instagram a picture of her new Lexus and her husband’s new motorcycle with the caption of (I’m paraphrasing) “Embracing being a DINK”

DINK being an acronym for Dual Income, No Kids

It got me thinking about my own life, since my husband and I are also DINKs

I find myself struggling to embrace our childless life lately, not because I want to have a baby right now, but because I’m worried that we might not be able to have children right away when we do decide we are ready. What if we wait until we are 28/29/30 to start trying, only to find out that one of us can’t have children, or that it might take years of trying to finally conceive?

A few of the bloggers I follow are currently going through infertility issues, and the whole topic scares me.

I wish there was a way to know now if we can conceive. So I could put my mind at ease and fully enjoy our time as DINKs.

Because there is so much to enjoy. Sleeping in, spending our money on fun toys, taking spontaneous vacations.  I want to fully enjoy the phase of life that I am in right now, and not worry about the future phases as much.

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Biology need to catch up to Society

Jeremy and I had lunch with some friends of ours that we haven’t seen since Jeremy left for deployment. They are currently expecting their first baby girl, so of course the conversation turned to pregnancy and when we are going to start trying. (See previous post for our 5-year plan)

I mentioned that I have thought about having a baby within the next few years before Jeremy gets out so we can use the free medical and then our baby would be 2 or so when he gets out and at a better age for daycare/preschool.

Jeremy, of course, acted freaked out about this lol. But later, when we were driving home he asked me if I really wanted to have a baby before he gets out, that we would need to do it right now if that was what I wanted.

I thought about it, but even though I want to be a mom within the next 2-3 years, the idea of trying to get pregnant right now is still scary.

There are so many things that I want to do still.

Which gets me on the topic that biology needs to catch up with society.

I will be 24 when I graduate with my masters. I went straight to a 4-year university after graduating high school and then on to a 2-year masters degree program.

It will take me another 2-3 years of working full-time to get licensed, making me 28 and just starting to establish my career.

Yet the ideal age to have children is 20 – 35, so if you want to have more than one child, you should probably start in your mid-20’s.  Having a baby after 30 is hard; your fertility goes down, chances of miscarriage increase and genetic risks.

But how many women these days are married, done with college and in a stable career by their mid-twenties? How many men are?

“the average childbearing age for women is now 29.3 years of age. In 1968 the average age was 23.” – source

So, I vote that our reproductive system needs to catch up to the evolution of society. Too bad that kind of stuff takes thousands of years lol.

Our 5-year baby plan

Jeremy and I took a road trip to WI over the holidays to spend time with his family and see our friends.

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We’ve gotten to the age (24), where it seems like all our family and friends have babies! Jeremy has a niece (his first one), his best friend from High School is pregnant, his sister is pregnant, our friends from the Marine Crops have a baby and my cousin has a baby! Pretty much everyone we stayed with and visited with is either pregnant or has a baby lol.

And of course, we get asked by everyone when we are planning on having kids because we have been married for 4 years and are at that age.

Our answer = 5 years

Jeremy wants to wait till he is out of the military, so that’s 3 years. He also wants to go to college when he gets out, so that’s another 2 -3 years. He would like to wait another few years so he can get established at a job, buy a house, etc. But that would be 2 more years which would make the total 7-8 years from now and would make me 31 or 32, and I don’t want to start having kids that late in life for medical reasons.

So we’ve settled on 5 years, when he is done with college and we are both 28.

Jeremy always says he is scared of having kids. He wants them someday, but he is scared of the responsibility and is afraid of messing up.

But after our trip home, when we were on our last day of driving, he said that after spending so much time around babies he is actually kinda excited to have kids. He is so great with them, and he loved playing with my cousins little boy (he really wants a boy lol). Playing with the little boy he felt like it wasn’t actually that scary or hard, that he could do it with his own baby someday.

Hearing that gave me hope, hope that maybe in 5 years when it comes time for us to try he will be ready and as excited as I am. Because I am ready. I want to be a mom within the next few years.

But I also want Jeremy to be ready. I want us to be on the same page, because having a child is a life changing responsibility, and it’s one that I want us to make together when we are both ready and excited for that next phase in our life together.

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Practicing with our friend’s 6-month old baby girl

 

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Jeremy playing with his niece. He is going to make such a great Dad someday!