I’ve been noticing a trend lately on the Military Support Sites that I visit, especially around the holidays.
The trend is women planning gifts or romantic gestures for their men. Sounds nice, right? But…these romantic gestures and gifts seem to me to be things that these women would want done for them, not necessarily thing that their man would like/want.
My favorite example of this was a girl who planned this whole scavenger hunt thing with clues and gifts that eventually lead to a picnic in the wood with a surprise photo shoot.
Umm…I realize that I don’t know her husband personally…but I doubt that there are any men out there who would describe that as a fun day.
To me, this trend is more about just giving gifts. I think it’s easy for most people to figure out that a real gift should be something that the other person wants, not what you want.
But the bigger picture is the idea of loving someone the way that they want to be loved, not the way you want to be loved.
Some people feel loved when their partner touches them, physical contact makes them feel appreciated and valued. For others, it might be hearing “I love you” or having a meaningful conversation. For others it may be gifts, having your spouse come home with a Starbucks for you because they thought of you while they were out.
The problem arrises when two people in a marriage have different “love languages”.
If your spouse feels loved with physical contact, then all of the “I love you” and sweet words won’t make them feel as loved as simply holding hands.
And it’s hard to change the way you love someone, because expressing your love language comes so naturally to you.
So isn’t that more an act of love? To put in the effort to meet your spouses needs? To speak their love language?
Love your spouse the way that they want to be loved.