Initial Attraction

Last week (May 16) marked 6 years since Jeremy and I first met and started dating (we count the day we met as the start of our relationships, even though we didn’t make it official until a few weeks later. After the first meeting, we both actively pursued each other and neither had any other romantic interests).

Our anniversary correspond with me reading a prompt online; “what first attracted you to your spouse”.

The prompt made me really take a look back at those first few conversations/interactions I had with Jeremy. What initially drew me in and welcome his attention.

The physical is easiest to pinpoint. I’ve always had a “type”. Tall, white, skinny, county and short hair. Aside from one half-latino guy I briefly dated, all of my boyfriends have met at least 4 out of 5 the criteria. I suppose I’m a creature of habit!

Just one look at Jeremy and I knew that he was 99% my type (taller than me, white, skinny and with a military hair cut). The final selling piece was his boots. At the time we met, Jeremy was going through his “California” phase; he thought that California girls didn’t like country boys, so he was trying to be more suave. But he couldn’t part with his boots. Authentic and well worn cowboy boots; still covered with dirt and cow poop from his days on the farm.

Those boots were what got me hooked.

But the physical is such a small part of what initially attracted me to Jeremy.

What was most attractive to me was his goodness.

With just a few conversations, I knew that he as a old-fashioned and honorable man.

The kind of man who would answer his phone at 2 am and drive out to a bar to pick up a drunk friend who needed a ride. The kind of man who would pull over to help a stranger change a tire. The kind of man who wouldn’t pressure a girl for sex or try to take advantage of a situation (aka, our exact situation the night we met)

I think that drew me to him because that is a quality that I respect and admire. Something that I wish I had more of.

It also drew me to him, because it’s a quality of a good life partner, and I’m a practical women. Yes, I wanted love and butterflies, but I also wanted a man who was honorable and trustworthy. A man who I knew would honor him commitment. A man who would never cheat on me or hurt me.

A man like Jeremy.

What qualities initially attracted you to your spouse?

TBT: Meeting the Parents

Jeremy and I had been dating for about 4 months when I took him to meet my family for the first time.

My Uncle was celebrating a big birthday (his 50th, I think) and in celebration, his wife rented the beach house that our family goes to every year for the 4th of July and threw a big party/family reunion.

Although we hadn’t been dating for very long, things felt serious with Jeremy and I wanted him to meet my family. Since we were living on the opposite side of the state from them, it was more convenient to make one trip and meet everyone at once (aka: throw him to the wolves lol). So not only did he meet my Dad, Step-Mom, Sister and Brother for the first time, he also met all of my Cousins, Aunts and Uncles on my Step-Mom’s side of the family.

The whole trip was going very well (Jeremy is a very likable guy!), until my Dad stuck up a conversation with him about his hobbies. My Dad was impressed with his work ethic when Jeremy told stories about working on the farm throughout high school. Somehow that conversation lead to my Dad asking if he hunts. Jeremy got so excited, thinking that they might have something in common and enthusiastically shared that he does hunt and loves it.

My sister immediately looked like a sad puppy at the idea of animals being hurt (she used to free lady bugs and rollie-pollies when they got into the house when we were kids) and my Dad was not impressed by the killing of animals for sport.

Did I mention my family is very liberal? They live in California, after all lol.

Needless to say, my husband put a stop to that conversation and sadly has no one in my family that shares his love of hunting. To this day he still refers to that conversation as the reason my Dad “hates” him.

He and my Dad have now connected over golf, a much safer hobby to share lol.

The other fun fact from that trip is the below photo. I have 2 other female cousins, one is 2 years older than me, the other is 4 years older. We all had started dating guys in May 2008, we all brought them to that trip and we all ended up marrying them!

TBT: Our Love Story {So Easy}

For the next week Jeremy and I spent hours on the phone talking and texting since I was spending the week up in my home town getting read to move all my furniture to my new apartment in San Diego. Those fun days of a new relationship where you have so much to talk about and tell each other. Staying up late on the phone, smiling with every new text message…the butterflies of a new relationship.

I distinctly remember the day we added each other on MySpace. Yes, we began dating before Facebook, damn I feel old lol. Jeremy had a stupid “About Me” that said something along the line of “I like girls and I like to party”. Which is hilarious because he hates to party and is the most boring guy I’ve ever dated.

After we shared our MySpace pages with each other he moved me to his #4. Remember the days when you could rank your friends and family so everyone could know how important they are to you? lol. After less than a week of knowing each other he was so into me I got the coveted position of being the 4th important person in his life, after his brothers and sister.

I thought it was creepy lol.

Sometimes I look back at those first few week and think how easy it was. Maybe it’s because we were young 19-year-olds, but there were no games, no waiting 3 days to call or trying to figure out if they other person is really into you or not.

I told him I liked him, he told me he liked me. We officially began dating a week later when I told him that I wanted to have a relationship and asked him to be exclusive with me.

Simple. Easy. Straightforward.

Now a days I hear my single friends talk about the single dating scene and it sounds so complicated. All these games people go through.

Is it to protect themselves from heartbreak? Are they scared to be open about their feelings because they have been burned so many times in the past? Was it so easy for us because we were young and hadn’t experienced much heartbreak yet?

Our first photo together – June 2008

Finding Love

Does finding the person to spend the rest of your life with have to be so complicated and hard?

I watched the 1930’s version of Imitation of Life tonight. The main character meets a man at a party and makes plans to see him again. On their second or third date she confesses that she loves him and he responds, “let’s get married as soon as we can”.

That’s it. Declaration of love = proposal.

Then after watching that movie I was flipping through the channels and He’s Just Not That Into You was on. Let’s talk about a movie with an opposite love story lol. How many crazy signs people make up, what they do on dates, when to call back, when not to call. All these modern games that people seem to play on their quest to find a life partner.

It reminded me of all the conversations I have with my single friends as they navigate the crazy world of dating. Everything is so complicated.

Is life really that much different than it was in the 1930’s?

I understand that society is different. But is love any different? And how much do the changes in society affect the basic search for love?

I wonder if people make things harder than they have to be.

If you like somebody, tell them. If somebody likes you, they should tell you.

Jeremy waited a whole hour to text me after we met. He called me that night and asked me out on another date. After we went on our first date I told him that I liked him and wanted to see him exclusively, he agreed. We were boyfriend and girlfriend from that moment on.

No games. No waiting 3 days to call. No dating other people. No wondering about if we were exclusive or not.

Was I just naive to lay my feelings on the line? Was it because we were so young that it was so simple to fall in love and start a relationship? Are people scared of getting hurt? Why is finding love so much more complicated now than it used to be?