TBT: The Elopement Part 2

Jeremy and I made the 8 hours drive up to my hometown on the Friday before we got married. I had the day off from class and he took leave to have a three day weekend. We both had to be back at school/work on Monday, so no honeymoon for us!

We woke up Saturday morning, February 14, 2008 and got ready together for the big day. I wore my off-white summer dress that I had originally bought for the wedding, and carried my wedding dress with me to the courthouse. We had made an appointment for the morning since apparently Valentine’s Day is a popular day to elope at the courthouse!

We met my parents at the courthouse, along with my sister, my brother and his fiancee, and my BFF and her husband (who brought me a bouquet!). There were a total of 10 guests at our wedding, all of them being my immediate family except for my BFF and her husband (I had actually been a witness for their courthouse wedding a few months before). None of Jeremy’s family had the time or money to fly out to CA for our wedding, which is why we were planning our vow renewal for Wisconsin, so they didn’t have to spend money to travel anywhere.

Getting married at the courthouse is kind of awkward, especially when you are wearing a full on wedding dress! I changed in the bathroom of the courthouse, and then had to wait around in the lobby in my dress before we went into our room. Jeremy stayed in another room because I didn’t want him to see me all dressed up until I walked down the aisle. I am glad I did that, because the look on his face when I walked in was amazing. What I remember most about that day was the smile on his face and when he whispered “you look beautiful” to me when I got up next to him.

My Dad walked me down the aisle, like he had always wanted to. He cried both times he walked me down, at my wedding and my vow renewal.

The ceremony took place in a very ugly gray room. There was a awesome tacky archway they had put up for Valentine’s Day, that really classed up the place haha

It was a simple ceremony, short and to the point. We exchanged rings and when they asked me to say “I do” I spoke too soon. Apparently she wasn’t done reading. Funny thing is, I did the exact same thing when we renewed our vows haha. Apparently I was eager to get married!

We took some pictures in the lovely gray room and then headed out to lunch for the “reception”

After lunch most of my family parted ways and my Dad came with me and Jeremy to the hotel so he could check us in and take some photos for us (my Dad has an art degree). I changed back into my wedding dress and we wandered around the hotel taking photos. It is a beautiful winery, and a lot of people actually pay big money to have their weddings there. My Dad knew the owner, so they let us take photos for free and use the ground as for our impromptu photo shoot.

I love the photos my Dad took and I am so glad that we have beautiful memories of our wedding day.

Too be continued…

TBT: The Elopement!

So Jeremy and I were officially engaged as of December 26, 2008!

I posted it on my Facebook that day (of course!). Remember when Facebook statuses had to start with “Alison Hettema is….”? Yep, old school! My status read, “Alison Hettema is ENGAGED!”

We drove back down to San Diego after the Christmas holiday and started to talk about picking a date for the big day.

We knew we wanted to do it fairly soon, for a variety of reasons.

Firstly, we wanted to live together. My lease was up in May and Jeremy and I were ready to move in together, and since he was an E-4 at the time, we had to be married in order to get BAH (housing allowance).

We thought about having a small wedding in April over Spring Break, but that was shot down because Jeremy’s brother was deploying to Afghanistan in January for a year, and if we were going to have only one wedding, we wanted his brother to be up there with him. But that would mean having to wait at least a year and a half, and we didn’t want to wait that long to live together.

So we decided to just go to the courthouse and elope, and then have a big wedding the next summer when his brother was back from deployment. It seemed like a fabulous idea to me at the time, best of both worlds! We get to live together and start our lives together, but have time to plan a “real” wedding where all of our families could be there to celebrate with us.  (If you’ve read my previous post, I have come to somewhat regret that choice). But at that moment in time, it sounded like a perfect plan, and I was 100% on board.

I started planning a small elopement. I bought an off white summer dress, Jeremy got some slacks and a dress shirt. We found a nice restaurant to go to lunch at with my family after the ceremony. We set a date for Valentines Day, 2009 (which sounded super romantic at the time, 100% regret that decision now lol. Ever tried to go out on Valentines Day?! Everything is over crowded, over booked and over priced!)

My family, however, were not on completely on board. My Dad expressed that he was disappointed that it wouldn’t be a “real” wedding. He said that he had always dreamed of walking his daughter down the aisle in a white wedding dress. He laid on the guilt hard core. I see now that he just wanted to give me a perfect wedding so I didn’t have any regrets, but at the time I couldn’t appreciate that and I found his opinions to be incredibly frustrating and “unsupportive”.

But as a result of his incessant comments, I caved and bought a wedding dress off the rack a few weeks before the big day (which I am forever grateful for since our photos from that day turned out like actual wedding photos thanks to that dress and my Dad’s photography). I also let him get Jeremy and I a hotel room at a fancy winery for our wedding night.

So less than 2 months after we officially got engaged, Jeremy and I drove back up to my hometown and eloped at the courthouse on February 14, 2009.

To be continued….

My last minute off the rack dress + the winery my Dad got us a room at + a bouquet from my BFF/Maid of Honor = amazing wedding photos ❤

 

TBT: The “Official” Proposal

It was December 2008. Jeremy and I had decided to get married. We had purchased a ring and just needed to get my father’s approval before we made it official.

Jeremy asking my Dad for permission to marry me wasn’t that important to me, to be honest. I love my Dad, but he gets on my nerves a lot and can be controlling. I know now that is just his way of showing love and that it was hard for him to let me move in with my Mom when I was a teenager, and even harder to see me move to the opposite side of the state for college.

Jeremy is very old-fashioned though. It never occurred to him not to ask my Dad, even though he had only met him one time. 

So we drove up to my hometown for the Christmas holiday, prepared to ask my Dad the big questions.

My Mom knew about the engagement, I had told her when it happened. I remember arriving at her house (that’s where we stay when we are in town) and she excitedly asked to see my ring. I took off my ring for the rest of the visit and gave it back to Jeremy to keep hold of.

We decided to get it over with as soon as possible, the whole thing was stressing me out. I knew my Dad would not be happy, I was 19 years old and he barely knew Jeremy. My Dad also saw me as his “little girl” still, he didn’t like that I was so independent and didn’t seem to need him.

The next day I arranged to have lunch with my Dad. Jeremy and I were going to meet him at this work and then walk over to my favorite restaurant. His work was right by the local mall, so Jeremy dropped me off early to do some Christmas shopping and he drove over to my Dad’s work to have “the talk”. He wanted to do it alone.

I don’t know what he said, but I gave him about 20 minutes before I walked over to my Dad’s office to interrupt. I remember it being very awkward, I didn’t know if he has asked or not when I walked in, so I didn’t say anything. My Dad eventually said “Jeremy and I just had a talk, did you know about this?” and then I told him that I did know that Jeremy had asked for his permission to propose to me.

That lunch was probably the most awkward meal I have ever had, until breakfast a few days later with my Dad and Stepmom.

My Dad had a lot of questions. When were we getting married? Why so soon? Were we sure? Was I giving up school? Where we only doing it so we could live together?

Jeremy and I answered all his questions as best we could. We had our reasons for the choices we made, but it is still unsettling to have to defend your choices to your parents. To have to justify our decision to get married, a decision that was based in love and happiness.

The next day was Christmas, which was uneventful compared to the previous day!

We were leaving two days late and my Stepmom and my Dad wanted to have another conversation about what they viewed as our “not the best” idea to get married. We arranged to have breakfast the day we were planning on driving home (the aforementioned most awkward meal of my life).

So the day after Christmas we didn’t have any plans. Jeremy still had my ring and I had told him before that I still wanted a “real” proposal. Knowing me, I am sure I told him to do it ASAP ha.

So that night we decided to go star gazing (that was kind of our thing when we were dating. I was taking Astronomy in college and I would take Jeremy out with me at night to do my homework and look at the stars). We parked at the local Community College and went out to one of the many grassy fields. We laid there together, just enjoying the solitude of each others company.

I knew he was going to officially ask. I had been dropping hint and practically planned our this “romantic” moment for him (I am slightly controlling, it’s something I’m working on). After about an hour of staring at the sky I finally asked, “are you going to propose to me or not? Because I’m getting cold!” (we were in CA, but it was still December!). He laughed and pulled out the ring.

I don’t remember exactly what he said, most of it was him telling me why he loved me, and I do remember when he called me a nerd ha. Then he asked me. Those four little words. Will you marry me?

“Yes” (not that he had any doubt!)

And that was it. He slipped the ring on my finger. We kissed and then drove back to my Mom’s house.

It’s not the most exciting proposal. It certainly wasn’t a surprise. But it was very “us”. A mutual joint decision. And very “me”. Under my control and in my timeline (Like I said, I’m still working on that!).

The next day we met with my Dad and Stepmom for breakfast, to go another round of 5,000 questions.

I remember my Dad stopping in the middle of his question and grabbing my hand, he had finally saw the ring. He looked at it for a while, and eventually smiled.

I would like to say that my family approved of my choice to get married, but they did not. They supported me in their own way, but they did not hide their concern or disapproval.

Looking back, I get it. I was very young and very naive.

I love my husband, and I am happy in my marriage. I would go back and do it all again, because it has lead me to where I am now, looking back on 5 happy years with Jeremy and looking forward to many more.

But I certainly don’t think every 19 year old is ready to get married. Nor should every couple who has been dating for 6 months rush down the aisle.

Every couple is different. Every relationship is different.

And with a lot of luck, love and work, our marriage has been successful and filled with love.

Me and my Dad the same day he met Jeremy for the first time, a few months before he proposed to me

 

TBT: Engaged and Underaged

Although Jeremy and I didn’t consider ourselves “officially” engaged until after he asked my father for permission in December 2008, we bought the ring together the month before and I wore it on my left hand until we went home the following month. We told our local friends that we were engaged, but we didn’t announce it publicly or to our extended family until after my Dad gave his approval.

I was 19 at the time, and halfway through my sophomore year of college.

I was so excited to announce it to my friends at school because I was happy. I loved Jeremy and I wanted to be his wife.

I anticipated squeals of excitement and my girlfriends asking to see my ring. I imagined questions about when the big day was going to be and what colors I was going to pick.

Unfortunately that was not my reality.  Instead of “congratulations”, I mostly heard “why?” when I announced my engagement. “But you’re so YOUNG” normally followed the “why?” question. Included with looks of confusion.

I suppose I should have expected it.

I knew I was young to be getting married, I knew it was unconventional, but I had still expected people to be happy for me.

Looking back, I know that they were probably thinking one of two things.

First, for those who really cared about me, they were probably concerned and didn’t want me to make a mistake. It had been a quick engagement (6 months), and although I knew that Jeremy was an amazing guy and that our relationship was stable and full of love, they probably couldn’t see that from the outside. They were probably worried that I was going to quit school and get pregnant, giving up on my dreams.

Second, for those who were more “acquaintances”, I think they just couldn’t understand it because it was completely out of their reality. To the average 19 year old, marriage is not even on the radar. Even my friends who had been in long-term relationships weren’t thinking of getting engaged until after college. They just couldn’t comprehend it.

Sometimes I look back and wish I could have had the normal “happy” engagement. When my cousins got engaged at 24, just a few years older than I had been, they were greeted with enthusiastic responses of “congratulations!” and “we are so happy for you!”. I wish I could have had that.

Even after I got married (up until I was about 23) I still got the shocked “what!?” response when people found out that I was married. That shock often lead to speechlessness when I said that I had been married since I was 20.

I for one am happy to be almost 25 and no longer be greeted with shock when I tell people I am married. It’s nice to be “normal”. Being an outlier can be hard.

TBT: The {Unofficial} Proposal

It was November 2008. Jeremy and I had been dating for 6 months. We were young and in love.

Jeremy had been dropping hints about getting married for the last few months, and we had talked about it seriously many times. We had made the decision together to get married, now we just needed a ring and a proposal.

We casually looked at rings when we were out shopping a few times, the purpose being for Jeremy to get an idea of the style that I liked.

However, we kept running into the problem of Jeremy not having established credit. He was 19-years old and the only thing he had ever bought on credit was his car, which he had been making payments on for less than a year. So every time we went to a jewelry store (Kay’s, Jared’s, etc), he was told his credit limit was very low (around $300).

I was beginning to wonder if he would be able to even get me a ring when we stopped by Harris Jewelers in the Devil Dog Mall (aka the mall in Oceanside by Camp Pendleton that is always filled with young Marines). They have financing specifically for military service members and set up an allotment to take out a set amount per month from your paycheck. Because of that, the prices were higher than other places we had looked, but since the financing was guaranteed and we had been struggling to a loan, we bought a ring that day! (I wish I could remember the exact day, but I don’t lol)

We had not gone to the mall with the purpose of buying an engagement ring, it was just a random stop!

Originally I had wanted Jeremy to pick out the ring and surprise me with proposal. I wanted the whole traditional proposal, down on one knee, seeing the ring for the first time and him slipping it on my finger as I cried out “yes!”.

But when we found a ring that I liked and actually got financed for the ring, we didn’t want to pass up the opportunity.  But that is how we are, overly practical and not very romantic.

So I don’t have a cute proposal story. I don’t have cute proposal pictures.

But I still ended up with a ring on my finger and engaged to be married to the man that I love, so I consider it a successful proposal!

I remember how odd it felt to wear the ring for the first few weeks (I didn’t wear rings before getting engaged). I remember driving and starting at my ring, being startled to see it on my left hand and yet smiling with happiness every time I looked at it.

My ring has now become a part of me. I only take it off to sleep and I feel naked without it on my finger. Funny how things change over the years!

(Our official proposal story coming up next week! Jeremy wanted to ask my Dad permission before we made it official)

TBT: My First Ball

I was hoping that this post would cooincide better with ball season, but it’s a few months early. Oh well, guess I will just have to write a stand alone “ball etiquette” post when it gets closer.

In all honesty, I’m running out of stories to share! Jeremy and I only dated for 6 months before we got engaged, and it was a fairly uneventful 6 months. I was actually sharing with another blogger that I am running out of throwback pictures as well lol.

This post bring us up to November 2008, less than a month before we got engaged.

Jeremy and I were definitly in a serious relationship. We had said “I love you” to each other, he had met my family and we were spending every free day together in blissful dating land planning our future marriage.

I’ve always heard of girls getting “asked” to the ball by their boyfriends, like being “asked to prom”. But when Jeremy told me about the ball, I just assumed I was going as his date. Who else was he going to take? His other girlfriend?! lol

So I went out and bought a dress ($30 at Ross!!!) and spent the evening getting all dolled up for my (second) Marine Corps Ball. (more about my first ball when I write the etiquette post, along with more about my dress choice).

Jeremy showed up at my door in his dress blues with a dozen red roses (awwww). It was my first time ever seeing him in his blues and he looked very good.

He whisked me off in a carriage (jk, we too my car) to the Marriott Hotel in San Diego. I felt like a princess in my fancy dress. I had only been to my senior prom in High School (without a date), and already the ball felt much more exciting.

Jeremy had been promoted to an E-4 the month before, which was something to celebrate, except for the fact that it meant  that we couldn’t sit with any of his friends. In the Marine Corps, the jump to E-4 distinguishes NCO’s from….I’m actually not sure, whaterver E-3’s and below are called. So we got assigned a table with a buch of NCO’s…whom Jeremy did not know. All of his friends (E-3’s at the time), got to enjoy their own table togehter, major bummer.

There was the traditional ceremony and speeches. The one part I remember distincly was when they asked all the wives to stand up and Jeremy told me not to stand. Still to this day I remember that and I think that it is part of my feelings on the difference between wives and girlfriends. One is not better than the other, but I think that being a wife is a different level of distinction and one that should be acknowledged.

I don’t remember too much else about the night. There was food and cake, of course. I think we eventually moved over to the other table with our friends afer the meal was over. At the time, Jeremy and I had only been dating for 5 months, so I was very unfamiliar with the Marine Corps and the tradition that goes into the ball. I think a lot of it was lost on me at the time.

When I go to the ball now, as a spouse of almost 5 years, I have a different experience. The tradition, the stories, the ceremony, it impacts me on an emotional level now that I have experienced military life with my husband. I have experienced deployments and kown women who has lost their husbands. The ball isn’t just about getting dressed up (although that is a plus!), its about honoring the Marine Corps and all that our Marines do on a daily basis for this country.

I can’t wait till this years ball, November 16th! It will be my 3rd ball in 6 years! Jeremy always seems to be deployed or at school in November. We are probably going to be taking my parents with us as well, which I think will be a really exciting opportunity for them to experience the tradition and history of the Mairne Corps.

Stay tuned for my etiquette post around October. You don’t want to be “that girl”….trust me, I was!

TBT: Let’s get married!

Jeremy and I had been dating for about 4-5 months when we started talking seriously about marriage.

I remember once sitting outside talking to my mom on the phone and telling her that things were going good with Jeremy (my mom is awesome, I call her for everything). I said “Mom, he says he wants to marry me“. My mom played it cool (having your 19 year old daughter spill that news after a few months of dating is enough to freak out any Mom) and said she that he must really love me.

And he did.

Jeremy would start dropping little hints of “when we are married….” or “after we are married…” in daily conversation.

It freaked me out at first. Jeremy was my 2nd real relationship, and we had jumped from dating to “this relationship is heading towards marriage” in just a few months! (Later on Jeremy told me that he started doing that to ease me into the idea, so that when he actually proposed I would say yes lol).

I had always thought I would be done with college and graduate school and have a career before I got married. I figured I would be in my late 20’s, have my own apartments and my own life. But there I was, 19, a sophomore in college, living in the living room of an apartment with 3 other roommates and thinking seriously about getting married to this guy.

Jeremy says that he didn’t think the idea of contemplating marriage at 19 when you’ve been dating for less than 6 months was a crazy idea. His words were something along the lines of, “how I was raised, when you met the person you don’t want to live without, you get married”. Adorable, right?! He is a very old-fashioned kind of guy, with old-fashioned values.

But I had my doubts about our relationship. Not about how it was then, I loved him and I was the happiest I had ever been. What I doubted was our long-term longevity. He was a small-town Marine from Wisconsin who eventually wanted to settle down in Wisconsin and own a farm. I was a college girl who had lived her whole life in liberal California, I wanted a career and couldn’t picture myself anywhere by California. I questioned if we had the same morals, the same goals, the same plans. Do we want kids? How do we want to raise them? Where do we want to live? So many questions.

We had many conversations about our future and our compatibility. Mostly started by me, Jeremy was ready to jump in and leave it all to chance lol. Even at 19 I knew that there is so much more that goes into a successful marriage than just love. Of course, compatibility does not guarantee that a marriage will last, but neither does love. I figured that if we could hash out the compatibility aspect, then the love would get us the rest of the way.

TBT: Meeting the Parents

Jeremy and I had been dating for about 4 months when I took him to meet my family for the first time.

My Uncle was celebrating a big birthday (his 50th, I think) and in celebration, his wife rented the beach house that our family goes to every year for the 4th of July and threw a big party/family reunion.

Although we hadn’t been dating for very long, things felt serious with Jeremy and I wanted him to meet my family. Since we were living on the opposite side of the state from them, it was more convenient to make one trip and meet everyone at once (aka: throw him to the wolves lol). So not only did he meet my Dad, Step-Mom, Sister and Brother for the first time, he also met all of my Cousins, Aunts and Uncles on my Step-Mom’s side of the family.

The whole trip was going very well (Jeremy is a very likable guy!), until my Dad stuck up a conversation with him about his hobbies. My Dad was impressed with his work ethic when Jeremy told stories about working on the farm throughout high school. Somehow that conversation lead to my Dad asking if he hunts. Jeremy got so excited, thinking that they might have something in common and enthusiastically shared that he does hunt and loves it.

My sister immediately looked like a sad puppy at the idea of animals being hurt (she used to free lady bugs and rollie-pollies when they got into the house when we were kids) and my Dad was not impressed by the killing of animals for sport.

Did I mention my family is very liberal? They live in California, after all lol.

Needless to say, my husband put a stop to that conversation and sadly has no one in my family that shares his love of hunting. To this day he still refers to that conversation as the reason my Dad “hates” him.

He and my Dad have now connected over golf, a much safer hobby to share lol.

The other fun fact from that trip is the below photo. I have 2 other female cousins, one is 2 years older than me, the other is 4 years older. We all had started dating guys in May 2008, we all brought them to that trip and we all ended up marrying them!

TBT: I Love You

This is my 100th post! Wow, I can’t believe I have that much to say! lol

Speaking of which, I haven’t gotten very far in retelling my husband and I’s love story.

I left off after our first date. After that weekend we officially began dating and dove head first into a committed relationship.

Since I was living in San Diego and Jeremy was working/living about an hour away up at Camp Pendleton, we only saw each other on the weekends. Jeremy would drive down on Friday night and spend the weekend with me then drive back up Sunday morning/afternoon to get his hair cut, do his laundry and get ready for the next week. During the week we would text and talk on the phone every day.

Things were pretty uneventful for us. We are both simple people and spent most of our weekends just laying around the house together or going to the movies and out to dinner. My roommate was also dating one of Jeremy’s friend, so we spent time together with them until they broke up.

We fell in love quickly and completely. Being together felt so easy and effortless.

I was the first one to say “I love you”.

Before we said the L word, we used to say “you make me so happy”.

One night (after a few weeks of dating, 3 or 4 I think), we were laying in bed looking into each other’s eyes (because that’s what you do in new relationships lol) and Jeremy said “you make me so happy”, and I said “I love you”

He said “I love you too”

laying around the house

TBT: First Official Date

I seemed to have skipped last weeks “Throwback Thursday”, guess that’s what happens when you are working full time and have your husband home!

To get back on track, this week I wanted to share about our first official date, since last edition I left off with our first “unofficial” date.

After Jeremy helped me move in to my apartment and met my Mom and Grandma, we finally went out on our first “real” date lol.

He took me to Chilies…classy man haha

I distinctly remember this date because of our unique conversation.

I’ve mentioned before that my husband is a county boy. Apparently, in the county boy world, it impresses a girl to tell her about your skills on a farm.

So after I ordered my cheeseburger, he told me a lovely story about how sometimes on the farm, cow’s stomachs get twisted and you have to cut them open, stick your hands inside, and untwist the stomach.

And then my burger arrived, at the conclusion of that appetizing story lol

I am smiling now, as I recant this story, because of amazing that first date was, nasty cow story and all.

It was amazing because Jeremy never tried to be anyone but himself. He didn’t try to impress me by being what he thought I wanted, he was just upfront and honest. I can safely say that no man has ever told me about cow stomachs on a first date lol.

That’s how our relationship has been from the beginning, and what I love so much about our marriage. I don’t have to be anyone but who I am, and he loves me, all of me. And I love him, just the way he is.

Everyone deserves to be loved for exactly who they are.