Balls and Babies

This past week baby talk seems to surround me. The holiday’s tend to have that effect. Or more accurately, my family has that effect.

Over Thanksgiving Jeremy and I were asked about our baby plans more times than I can count. If I was drinking a non-alcoholic drink…”are you pregnant?”. If I held my cousin’s babies….”don’t you want one of your own?”And it went on and on.

For the most part, I don’t mind it that much because I understand it. Jeremy and I have been married for almost 6 years, we are both 26 years old, I am done with college and we both have good jobs….it makes sense for us to start expanding our family.

But we are waiting another 3-4 years….and I’m struggling with that decision.

I want to wait until Jeremy gets out of the military (1 or 1 1/2 years), has a chance to go to college and get a good job in the civilian world. I want him to have the opportunity to build a life for himself outside of the military.

I also want work more on my career and get licensed.

I want us to be in a better financial situation; owning a house, having our cars paid off and way more money in savings.

But at the same time, I’m already 26. I can feel my biological clock ticking away, and I know it will just get louder and louder the more time we wait.

I hate feeling that pressure. I hate having so much anxiety about “if” we will be able to get pregnant. I wish I could just look in the future and know.

A part of me is also hurt by the fact that Jeremy is not ready to have children. I know that he will make an amazing Dad, but he is scared. In an ideal world, he would be 4-5 years older than me and it would all even out; he would be ready and I would still be in my prime fertility age.

I try not to take it personally; it’s not that he doesn’t think I would be a good mother or anything….he just isn’t ready for children at all right now. It has nothing to do with me.

But I get jealous when I see my friend posting about how their husband’s are so excited to start trying for a baby…couples that are younger than Jeremy and I.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I know my husband. He is such a great uncle and he will be an amazing Dad. He just wants to be the best Dad he can possibly be…and that means being out of the military, having a good job and providing for everything that a family would need.

So I have to be okay with waiting. Don’t pay attention to what other couples are doing, and do what is right for us.

And speaking of “us”. I attended my 3rd Marine Corps Ball with Jeremy last week!




One thought on “Balls and Babies

  1. I totally understand. We are still deciding if we want kids, but all the pressures are there. Though I don’t know if being a mom is right for me, I still have pangs of envy when friends post that they’re expecting, etc. Being an adult is so complicated sometimes.

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