This past week baby talk seems to surround me. The holiday’s tend to have that effect. Or more accurately, my family has that effect.
Over Thanksgiving Jeremy and I were asked about our baby plans more times than I can count. If I was drinking a non-alcoholic drink…”are you pregnant?”. If I held my cousin’s babies….”don’t you want one of your own?”And it went on and on.
For the most part, I don’t mind it that much because I understand it. Jeremy and I have been married for almost 6 years, we are both 26 years old, I am done with college and we both have good jobs….it makes sense for us to start expanding our family.
But we are waiting another 3-4 years….and I’m struggling with that decision.
I want to wait until Jeremy gets out of the military (1 or 1 1/2 years), has a chance to go to college and get a good job in the civilian world. I want him to have the opportunity to build a life for himself outside of the military.
I also want work more on my career and get licensed.
I want us to be in a better financial situation; owning a house, having our cars paid off and way more money in savings.
But at the same time, I’m already 26. I can feel my biological clock ticking away, and I know it will just get louder and louder the more time we wait.
I hate feeling that pressure. I hate having so much anxiety about “if” we will be able to get pregnant. I wish I could just look in the future and know.
A part of me is also hurt by the fact that Jeremy is not ready to have children. I know that he will make an amazing Dad, but he is scared. In an ideal world, he would be 4-5 years older than me and it would all even out; he would be ready and I would still be in my prime fertility age.
I try not to take it personally; it’s not that he doesn’t think I would be a good mother or anything….he just isn’t ready for children at all right now. It has nothing to do with me.
But I get jealous when I see my friend posting about how their husband’s are so excited to start trying for a baby…couples that are younger than Jeremy and I.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I know my husband. He is such a great uncle and he will be an amazing Dad. He just wants to be the best Dad he can possibly be…and that means being out of the military, having a good job and providing for everything that a family would need.
So I have to be okay with waiting. Don’t pay attention to what other couples are doing, and do what is right for us.
And speaking of “us”. I attended my 3rd Marine Corps Ball with Jeremy last week!