Getting Married Quickly – not a good idea?

I’ve been seeing this photo a few places online over the last few days; always sparking some kind of debate

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The responses are what you would expect:

Women citing that they got married after (some time less than a year) and they have been married for (10+ years).

The other half of the women saying that they aren’t married yet, and they are waiting 2+ years to tie the knot and/or they waited 2+ years to get married and that as a result their marriage is better/deeper/stronger/etc.

To summarize, everyone thinks that their decision was the right one and the other side was wrong.

Everyone but me.

I got married after knowing my husband for 9 months.

I’m still very happily married (over 5 years)

I DO NOT recommend getting married as quickly as I did.

Let me first make it clear that I don’t regret my choice to marry quickly. I love my husband very much and I am so happy with how my life has turned out.

But I will be the first to say that I did not know Jeremy completely or fully when we got married. After knowing each other for 9 months we had just scratched the surface.

I hadn’t seen him interact with his mother. I hadn’t seen how he would treat a sick animal. I hadn’t seen him sleep deprived or angry.

I only knew part of who he is, and I liked what I had discovered enough to promise my future to him.

I got lucky that the rest of him was just as amazing as the parts that I knew when we said “I do”

Our marriage has taken work, of course, it’s not all luck. But luck certainly payed a big part of it.

I am lucky that he is the kind of man who has infinite patience with his mentally ill mother. I am lucky that he cleans up our puppy’s trow up at 2am without a single complaint. I am lucky that he never yells, insults or curses at me when he is angry, no matter how sleep deprived he is.

I am luck that he is a better man that who I thought he was when we got married.

People are complex. To this day there are still things that I am learning about myself. So while you may be a lucky couple that ends up with 50+ years of happy marriage after getting hitched after 2 months. I think the chances of long term success are much higher if you take the time to truly get to know the person you will be stuck with for the rest of your life.

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11 thoughts on “Getting Married Quickly – not a good idea?

  1. there is a flip side many people neglect to bring up too: waiting too long. i know a lot of gals and guys that waited too long to tie the knot, causing a lot of unneeded stress, doubt, and resentment in their relationships. everyone has a magic number.

    • Very true! I’ve never been on that side of the situation, but I can certainly see how after a certain amount of years there would be the added element of doubt and resentment. Does he love me enough to make a lifetime commitment? Did I waste my time? Is it me? That feeling of rejection can doubt could certainly break even a good relationship.

  2. I agree with your post. I read in a marriage book, from a biological standpoint that the infatuation phase can last up to 3 years… meaning your brain is over loaded with “feel good” neurotransmitters… it is a lot easier to “love” someone or some people misinterpret that giddy feeling for “love”. It makes sense and explains why some people have multiple marriages that last 2-5 years… they are chasing “being in love” aka giddiness caused by an imbalance in neurotransmitters. Great post on an important topic! 😀

    • 100% agree! I’ve read similar studies, and it completely makes sense! Marriage and real love (past that infatuation phase) isn’t all that exciting lol. It’s a choice to love your partner for 30+ years, not something that you do based of “feeling in love”.

  3. Nice post! I always see quizzes to take or studies about relationships, but everyone is different both mentally and physically and probably in a million other ways. You can’t ever go wrong if you do what is right for you and what makes you happy even if it contradicts the studies etc.

    • Definitely! Every relationship is going to be different. There are outliers in any statistical study, you need to have people on each side of the average to get that average in the first place! Just because you don’t fall into the “average” or “suggested” category of a study doesn’t mean that you won’t have a successful marriage.

  4. I dated my Love for 3.5 years before we got married. I *STILL* didn’t know him completely. Now after 16 years of marriage he still surprises me. I think marriages last because the couple *DECIDES* it is going to work, even when you may not like each other.

    While my Love and I were dating I remember very clearly asking my mom when the relationship was going to get easier. She told me that it never gets ‘easy’ like in the movies, that relationships are always hard work. I am so glad that she told me that when I was 17. Mainly because I figured that by that point it would be easier so I thought maybe he wasnt the ‘one’. I was going to break up with him, but after that conversation my perspective changed.

    And am I ever glad.

    • 100% agree! I think that what makes a marriage work long-term is the continued decision to love your spouse everyday. Love is a choice, not just a feeling.

  5. Just want to echo what a few others have said. My husband and I got engaged after 9 months and married after 12 months + 6 days. We had the traditional PCS-ing-overseas-gotta-get-hitched-quickly wedding. I didn’t know my husband deeply when we married, but I knew him well enough to make a smart decision and he proposed on his own (we didn’t talk about it ahead of time). It has been rough at times because our relationship was so new when we got married, BUT I don’t think that I’ve made a mistake, and I see us together until death do us part. We’re coming up on our 2nd wedding anniversary and 3rd anniversary of being together, and I know what I have is real and right for us both. I know that I married my very best friend, and that, despite our differences, we make the daily decision to be together.

    Marriage, just like relationships, continue because every morning both partners commit anew. Some people get married for the wrong reasons, but that can happen no matter how long the partners are together. My friends who are getting divorces now or who are in the worst marriages dated their partners for years before marrying them. Anyone can make a mistake, and mistakes aren’t limited to quick marriages. Are they more frequent with quick marriages? I’d buy that … but they’re certainly not limited to quick marriages.

    A childhood friend of mine had a one night stand with someone she knew from a previous job. At the time of the “event”, they lived 6 states apart. She got pregnant. They are now extremely happily married with two little ones. Instead of getting married immediately, she moved in with him and they tested the water. In their first year of living together, her best friend was tragically killed, his parents got divorced, and her sister tried to commit suicide. They persisted through the tough times, and he proposed on their daughter’s first birthday. Sometimes people meet and it’s just right between them.

    Sorry for the long comment 😉 You always have the best posts!!

    • Thanks for the comment! I love sparking a conversation with my posts 🙂 I completely agree that there is no perfect formula for marriage. Like I said, I got married very quickly, and I’m very happy with my husband 5 years later!

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