Endings

So many things in my life have come to an end recently and I’m not handling it very well.

Yesterday was my last day of classes, which means after I turn in my last paper on Friday I will be done with graduate school. I thought I would be excited or relieved, but I’m actually kind of scared. I’ve been a student for my entire life, straight from High School to College to Graduate School. Being a student has been a part of my identity since I was 4 years old. It’s strange to think of myself as anything else. It’s scary to think of myself as a real adult.

As much as I am looking forward to not having to write any more papers or take any more exams, I am sad to leave my friends. I will no longer get to have lunch with them between class or whisper to each other during lectures. There are a few that I have gotten close to that I think I will continue to spend time with, but a lot of the people that I have gotten to know during my grad program are more of aquaintances that I will probably lose touch with.

Last Thursday was my last day at my internship. Not only was it emotional to terminate with my long-term clients, but it was hard to say goodbye to my co-workers. This is the first job that I’ve ever had where I not only liked what I was doing, but I liked the people I worked with. I got cards from all my co-workers and one from a client as well; it was so hard to leave knowing how much they appreciate me and that I am making a positive impact on my client’s lives.

Then to top it all off on Friday my husband’s Commanding Officer took all his Family Readiness Volunteers out to a going away breakfast because he is leaving. I’ve been volunteering with the command since we got here 1 1/2 years ago and I’ve gotten close with all the ladies that I work with and the CO. Out of the 6 of us, half are leaving within the next month, not including the CO. He gave us all engraved EGA necklaces and I actually teared up!

I think the reason why I am feeling so down about all these endings is because I don’t have any new beginnings.

We are PCSing in 7 months, but that is still too far away from me to anticipate right now.

I thought I would have a job to look forward to, but I have yet to be asked to interview for any positions. I’ve been applying and going to job fairs, but I’ve learned that most of the jobs that I’ve been applying to are all hiring internally. On top of that, I’ve had to start limiting my search to temporary positions because we are moving soon, which means I’m applying for jobs that I am way over qualified for. It’s depressing to think that after 6 years of college I will be someone’s secretary again. I know it’s only temporary until we move, but it’s still not the transition I had hoped to have after graduation.

I love my career and there are so many jobs out there that I would love to do. It’s depressing to not be able to get a job in my field and start my career that I’ve been working so hard towards. It’s almost embarrassing to go back to an entry level position, even if it is only temporary.

This is a time in my life that I should be excited about. I’m graduating with my MASTERS! Maybe I just need to remind myself of that, remind myself of my accomplishments and know that I have my whole life ahead of me to find the perfect job.

My graduation is next Friday, I will try to cheer myself up before then πŸ™‚

 

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2 thoughts on “Endings

  1. Welcome to the club! You could almost put a checklist next to every single point you wrote about and I can mark that down as something I’m currently dealing with, will deal with, or recently dealt with. It’s tough–all of it. But, you’re not alone in it!

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