Porn

I’ve been writing this post for a few days, trying to get it just right. I’ve found the topic brings out intense emotions and opinions in most women and I wanted to be sure not to offend anyone.

Porn

I recently read a huge debate about porn on Facebook. It started off with the majority of the women stating that most men do look at porn (and it is especially common with deployments) and they accept that.

But then it got ugly with one comment:

“I find it incredibly incredibly sad and disgusting that some of you allow and are even proud of your husband looking at pornography/committing adultery.”

I personally have no problem with porn in my marriage; whether that be my husband watching it, me watching it, or us watching it together. I’m not going to defend my choice or try to rationalize it to someone who disagrees, because guess what, it’s MY marriage.

And that is my point of this post –

Why do people care so much what another couple does or does not do in their marriage?Β I don’t understand how people can be so judgmental of others.

Why does it matter to someone else if my husband watches porn? Or if I only allow it when he is deployed? Or if we dress up like characters from Star Track and dance around a campfire on the full moon followed by a joint porn viewing session?

The answer is: it doesn’t.

So why do people feel it’s their place to judge someone else for their choices that have absolutely nothing to do with them?

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6 thoughts on “Porn

  1. I think the problem comes when you have an opinion coming from a broken woman whose marriage was nearly destroyed many times by pornography, like mine. Having my marriage fall apart to the point where my husband was caught having an inappropriate sexually charged conversation with a female coworker while at work (this was before he joined the Army), and having all of this start because he chose to ignore me, the woman here for his sexual release, in favor of porn… It’s a little easier to see where some of these women would have a very strong opinion on the topic. I’m not saying what you do in your bedroom is my business, but when a question like that is posed on an open forum, you will get opinions that run the gambit without a real reason as to the “Why” behind it.

    • I’m sorry to hear about your experience. Everyone is definitely entitled to their opinion, I have no problem with that! If you don’t like porn in your marriage, then by all means, be opinionated about it.

      But I don’t see how having that opinion means you get to judge what other people do and put them down for their choices that have no effect on you and your marriage.

      • I take her statement not as judgement but as a statement of emotion. Is it wrong for me to be sad that others encourage a behavior in their own marriage that nearly cost me mine? It truly breaks my heart that so many don’t see the problems that can arise from pornography use, abuse, and addiction. Not that I judge you if that’s your choice, but that doesn’t mean it breaks my heart any less.

        To use another example: many parents put their infant car seats on the top of the shopping cart. I don’t judge parents who do this, regardless of how unsafe and deadly it could be for the baby if they were to fall or the cart to tip over. The risk is not worth it, in my opinion, and it breaks my heart that so many ignore the danger and do it anyway. I don’t judge, I simply pray for safety. It’s no different with porn use. I’ve seen the damage and it’s not worth the risk. Again this is my opinion, but to me, it’s just not worth it. I don’t judge you for that, I simply pray that these marriages who encourage such use don’t fall into the pain, hurt, heartache, and destruction that mine did. I wouldn’t wish that pain and mistrust on anyone.

      • I see your point, it’s certainly a different way of looking at it. I took it as a judgmental comment, but I think they way you are describing it makes sense as well.

  2. I could not agree with you more! I’m constantly hearing that debate among the milso community and I, personally, don’t have any problems with it as long as my boyfriend completely understands that I’m not one of those girls that he watches.

    He does.

    But I also have seen several women getting all bent out of shape about porn and their men looking at it.. and I almost feel sorry because in today’s world you can’t watch a movie/tv show or even read a book or even go on the internet without there being some sort of sexual thing happening AND MOST TIMES ITS GRAPHIC. Do they shun their husband from those things?

  3. I can never get past the word “allow” in those comments. Yeah, sure, there are things that I have that would be deal breakers for me in my marriage (abuse is pretty much the only one, to be honest, but it’s still a deal breaker in there), but the only time I talk about “allowing” or “letting” my husband do something is when I’m joking. He’s a big boy. I’m not his mommy. I don’t “allow” him to do anything.

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