Expectations

One month ago today I turned 24 years old.

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Jeremy and I on my 24th birthday

This is the first time in a long while that I’ve had a birthday where I don’t feel my age.

It’s not so much the concret things. I think my current life lines up well with what I want at 24 years old; I’m married, have my own apartment and I’m finishing up graduate school.

But I don’t feel like I’m 24. I guess I just thought I would be more mature and have all the answers. I think of somebody who is 24 as an adult, fully out of the experimental/dramatic/immature early 20’s college phase.

But I don’t have all the answers. I don’t feel like I have life experience.

Maybe that’s because I am still in college. I haven’t really lived in the “real world” yet. I’ve never held down a full time job and I don’t have a career yet.

And even though I’m married, and have been for 4 years, it’s almost a protective factor that keeps me from fully experiencing life. I’ve never had to live alone, pay my own bills, buy a car by myself, etc. I’ve had a partner in my life since I was a teenager. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jeremy for being my partner, but not having to face life alone keeps me sheltered.

Maybe that’s why I still feel so young at 24, so inexperienced.

Although, in other ways, I feel advanced for my age.

Like at work. I’m 24 and I’m a therapist. People come in and pay me money to help them solve their problems in life. Even though it’s just an internship right now, for all intents and purposes, I am working as a professional in a career at a pretty young age. I’m treated with respect and considered as competent as the paid staff.

Maybe it all comes down to expectations. What I expected I would be like, what my life would be like, at 24. Were those expectations realistic? What were they founded on?

So next year, when I turn 25, I’m not going to expect anything from myself. As long as I’m happy, I’ll consider 25 a good age for wherever I am in life.

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One thought on “Expectations

  1. This soooo true, the quote. I’m learning at…uh hem…..43….to give up my “ideal” life of still being married, in love with my high school sweetheart (which never happened! I married a recovering alcoholic…not the same!!) with 2 kids, 2 dogs and the damn fence! I’ve got 2 awesome, bratty teen boys who are the loves of my life and my favorite men ever, awesome friends, and I get another chance to find the love of my life…the mature, smart way. I think we are all given paths that we need to walk, either alone or with someone, to teach us things about ourselves that we couldn’t learn anywhere else. This is your story right now…Live it up…embrace and accept for exactly what it is….all yours. And you’ve got that wonderful hubby who loves you and is making this awesome life with you. Excited for you 🙂 And…..Happy Birthday!!!

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