Is it “fair”?

The most memorable comment I ever heard about post-homecoming was from a fellow military wife. I was at a Scentsy party (which is an at-home-business like Avon or Mary Kay, but with scented wax instead of make-up) with fellow military wives and the girl who was hosting the party said that she would not be hosting any parties for the month of February becuase her husband was coming home that month and it “wouldn’t be fair to him for me to work right after he gets home”.

I was confused, and kinda angry, about this comment. As a full-time graduate student who is also working 20 hours a week, my life is busy. I have my own schedule, people relying on me and deadlines to meet. My life doesn’t stop when Jeremy leaves, nor does it stop when he comes home.

I thought about this comment today becuase Jeremy’s homecoming is right in the middle of my finals week and my work week. As much as I would love to cuddle up with my husband for a nice 4-day weekend after he gets home, I have two finals the next day and a group to run at work that night. (Thankfully he comes home in the evening so I didn’t have to worry about getting time off work for the actual homecoming.)

Is that “fair” to Jeremy? Yes, I think so. Does he rearrange his work schedule around me? No. In all honesty, he doesn’t have the power to do that, but I certainly don’t blame him or feel that it’s unfair that he had to be deployed over my college graduation or that he missed my birthday for 2 years in a row.

Granted, selling Scentsy is a little more flexible than being a grad student or working as a counselor, so if I had a different job I might take a little more time off to spend time with him right when he gets home.

But to me it’s the concept, that your husband, and his schedule, is more imoprtant that what you have going on in your own life. To me, a marriage is a joining of two complete people, with their own interests, jobs, and responsibilites. You still have your own interests and responsibilites when he comes home, just as you did before you met him and before he deployed.

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2 thoughts on “Is it “fair”?

  1. I can see both sides. I’m like you, and I am busy to high Heaven. Sometimes, I think my husband would *like* me to be a stay at home wife and be able to say things like “It wouldn’t be fair to him,” but that’s just not me or my life plan. For those couples, it is their life plan, so the husband expects that is going to be the environment he is in. Now, if she was telling YOU that YOUR actions would be unfair to YOUR husband, you’d need to put someone in her place 😉

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